Does sexuality exist for the elderly?
Shadowed by taboos, the emotional and intimate lives of elderly people in care institutions unveil captivating narratives. These stories, which often remain untold, reveal truths that have been overlooked for far too long.
A research team composed of A. Lambelet, N. Brzak, M. Avramito and V. Hugentobler have explored the way in which sexuality is experienced and perceived by elderly people who have been living in Switzerland’s care homes for dependent elderly (EHPAD) for a long period of time. Based on a qualitative study, their research is groundbreaking because so far few studies have truly examined these people’s perceptions, needs and desires.
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Lambelet A., Brzak N., Avramito M., Hugentobler V., 2019, « Vie sexuelle des personnes âgées en institution : ce qu’elles en disent », Gérontologie et société, n°160, vol.41, p. 155-168.
Khodia Mbaye is a member of the master’s degree network for interdisciplinary social sciences: khodia.mbaye@etu.univ-tlse2.fr
- The publication of this article is part of the Network for the Interdisciplinarity of Social Sciences in Master’s programs (RISOM) of the Labex SMS.
The emotional and sexual lives of elderly people in care institutions
The sexuality of older people, especially those in care institutions, has been poorly documented with most studies focusing on the negative impacts of age-related illnesses. However, the research presented here considers the intimate lives of older adults, particularly those living in long-term care institutions, exploring both their expectations and experiences. Existing surveys have often excluded individuals over the age of 69, creating the illusion of an absence of sexuality for those over that age threshold. This study focuses on how elderly people in care institutions talk about their emotional and sexual lives, calling into question asexuality stereotypes related to old age. It also examines the impact care institutions have on how sexuality is expressed, exploring the possible barriers and opportunities offered by these environments. By using an inductive approach, the researchers aim to better understand the representations and expectations of the elderly in terms of their emotional and sexual lives. The analysis includes a comparison between the experiences of residents in care institutions and those in temporary shelters, highlighting the potential impact the care institution can have on the expression of emotional and sexual life.
The study focuses on the testimonies of elderly people with reduced autonomy: 29 participants, including 15 residents at EMS Medical and Social Institutions and 14 users of the CAT Temporary Reception Centres in Vaud, Switzerland. Born between 1914 and 1955, they all share similar socio-economic characteristics and mostly come from rural areas.
Sexuality and Conjugality
For most elderly people, discussing sexuality generally leads to talking about conjugality. This conjugality is usually linked to their experiences with young love, with relationships often beginning between the ages of 16 and 20 and lasting until the death of one of the spouses. The loss of a spouse is a profound break, occasionally leading some elderly people to remain alone out of loyalty to their ex-partner. Although some have experienced divorce, remarriage, widowhood or have been single all their lives, the concept of a life partner is widely prevalent in this study.
Discussing sexual life leads most interviewees to naturally re-immerse themselves in their past lives, in doing so establishing a spontaneous connection between sexual life and conjugality. The couple concept, with its variations in terms of experience and perception, is therefore at the centre of the study. Some have known true love, while others regret not having found this love in their relationship.
However, when describing the relationship and their spouse they struggle to express themselves orally and to characterise the relationship. Interviewees often use general terms such as “nice”, “honest” and “polite” to describe their spouse or partner, as illustrated by this excerpt from the interview with Suzanne (83, married, EMS): “He’s nice. I have a very nice husband, […] he loves my grandchildren. That’s the main thing for me.”
The essential question raised by the authors is whether this general characterisation of the spouse stems from a form of modesty, the preservation of privacy or a struggle with sharing one’s personal story. They also explore the idea that this could get to the very heart of what matters most to the person, how they express their identity and interact with the world and their partner. In other words, this questioning highlights the importance of what really matters to the person, how they express their identity and the way in which they interact with the world and their partner. After all, according to Suzanne, isn’t the love that her spouse has for her family, especially her grandchildren, the main thing rather than “intimacy” in the sense of her husband’s seductiveness?
After exploring the way the elderly describe their spouses, it is vital to discuss the physical sex life in order to examine the relationship between the perception of the spouse and the evolution of intimate desires among the elderly.
Sexuality and desires
According to the authors, physical sex is a rare occurrence for most elderly people, whether they are in a relationship or not. Such is the case for René, 91 years old, married, at a CAT, who claims that his sexual desires have diminished considerably with old age because: “[He] no longer has the physical abilities […] or the desires he had before.”Haut du formulaire
There are many reasons for this absence of sexuality, including age-related effects, as demonstrated by various studies on the declining prevalence of sexual activity with age. Using different studies, the authors also highlight the importance of having a partner when it comes to remaining sexually active. However, even among those with partners, the frequency of sexual activity decreases. For Régis Schlagdenhaufen, the longevity of the relationship is indeed associated with a decrease in sexual activity. Some also choose to remain alone out of loyalty to a deceased spouse, highlighting the rarity of new romantic relationships among the elderly people interviewed.
However, the authors highlight that the CAT and EMS institutions can be spaces for encounters, bonding or even seduction for some individuals. Madeleine (89 years old, widow, EMS resident), who has cultivated seductive relationships with men throughout her life, shares: “There’s one in particular, even when I see him from a distance, there are flutterings. When I pass by him, there are flutterings. I pretend there aren’t, but there are flutterings. At my age, you see! And is it nice? Oh yes, it’s great”. Despite the absence of physical sexual activity, some elderly people continue to express emotional and social needs.
These results can be explained by various factors, including different individual life trajectories, the time between death of the spouse and these interviews, and the effects of aging. The unequal gender distribution in EMS institutions also contributes to the difficulty in finding a partner, accentuating the lack of sexual life for most elderly people. Given the influences related to generation, age and socialisation processes, it is difficult to analyse the discourses on the sexuality of elderly people in care institutions. Overall, the exchanges evoke a past that is long gone and forgotten, one that broke down due to declining health and loss of a spouse, but also a continuity in loyalties and standards perceived as appropriate for their age. Loyalty to their former partner and longevity of the relationship are both factors that contribute to explaining the absence of sexuality in most of the elderly people surveyed.
Sexuality and Institution
The objective of the interviews in this study was to determine whether institutional socialisation, related to entering these institutions, had an impact on the emotional and sexual life of the individuals involved. However, the results of the interviews indicate that this impact is not observable in reality, particularly regarding the emotional and sexual lives of those interviewed in the care institutions.
In fact, the stories resulting from their interviews challenge one of the researchers’ initial assumptions that institutions for the elderly would hinder the full expression or complete respect for the sexual and emotional dimensions of their residents. For many of the latter, their emotional life is primarily related to the memory of a deceased spouse and the importance of family ties (children and grandchildren), and does not require specific interventions by individuals or institutions. Given that sexuality is primarily associated with married life, and considering the low number of people who still report having sex, this aspect of their lives seems to pose no problem within the institution. In cases where residents do have a partner, institutional routines seem to regulate the opportunities rather than restrict them. EMS residents are adapting to this new context, showing initiative. As is the experience of Suzanne, 83 years old, in a relationship with her second husband with whom she entered the EMS institution. According to her, “we [her husband and her] can have an intimate life when they [housekeepers and/or other staff at the institution] are far away […] at 7:30 p.m.”.
Similarly, 95-year-old Colette, a widow, is the only interviewee living in an EMS to report having sexual relations with her partner who still lives at home. However, her and her partner make tactful arrangements so that they can share moments of tenderness within the EMS. They are creative out of concern about rumours spreading among housekeeping professionals.
In parallel, there is a duality in the way the professionals are perceived by residents and clients. On the one hand, these professionals may be seen as individuals to be considered with suspicion. On the other hand, they can also be the object of romantic desires on the part of residents and clients. Namely, for two of the three people who expressed romantic feelings, the objects of these sentiments were professionals… Cependant, parmi nos interviewés, une seule personne, Thérèse âgée de 82 ans et divorcée, relate que son entrée en EMS constitue un obstacle à la continuation de sa vie affective et sexuelle. Elle est en couple depuis 8 ans et ne vit pas avec son partenaire. Le fait qu’elle ait été récemment placée en EMS perturbe son équilibre dans son couple.Cependant, parmi nos interviewés, une seule personne, Thérèse âgée de 82 ans et divorcée, relate que son entrée en EMS constitue un obstacle à la continuation de sa vie affective et sexuelle. Elle est en couple depuis 8 ans et ne vit pas avec son partenaire. Le fait qu’elle ait été récemment placée en EMS perturbe son équilibre dans son couple.Cependant, parmi nos interviewés, une seule personne, Thérèse âgée de 82 ans et divorcée, relate que son entrée en EMS constitue un obstacle à la continuation de sa vie affective et sexuelle. Elle est en couple depuis 8 ans et ne vit pas avec son partenaire. Le fait qu’elle ait été récemment placée en EMS perturbe son équilibre dans son couple.Haut du formulaireHowever, among the interviewees, only one person, Thérèse, 82 years old and divorced, reports her entry into the EMS as being an obstacle to the continuation of her emotional and sexual life. She’s been in a relationship for 8 year and doesn’t live with her partner. Her recently being placed in an EMS has unsettled her balance within the relationship.
According to the interviews, the main takeaways from the discussion on these care institutions and what differentiates the CAT centres from the EMS institutions is the way in which social relations take place in these two contexts. CAT centres seem to be privileged spaces for sociability, while EMS institutions initially appear to be places where interactions are limited.
Conclusion
In summary, the study highlights the homogeneity of life trajectories, marked by early marriages and an enduring loyalty even after widowhood. The return to a sexual life after the loss of the spouse is rare, illustrated by expressions such as “that’s in the past” or “I’ve turned over that page”. In old age, sexuality in terms of sexual intercourse seems to have taken a back seat, with concerns shifting to other priorities such as sorrow about having to leave home, a desire to partake in activities as a couple and interactions with caregivers. Contrary to the original assumption, the lack of sexual relations seems to be more associated with factors related to age, widowhood, health problems and generation, rather than an institutional effect of sexual repression.
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Khodia Mbaye (13 avril 2026). Does sexuality exist for the elderly? Mondes Sociaux. Consulté le 9 mai 2026 à l’adresse https://doi.org/10.58079/16202






